Open letter to an anti-gay NY state senator

365GAY
November 25, 2009
New York is still waiting for a vote on marriage equality, though the governor has promised a vote by the end of the year. Steven, a 365gay reader, wrote this letter to Sen. Kenneth P. LaValle, who represents the 1st district (primarily Suffolk County, Long Island):

Dear Senator LaValle:

Your office has made it painfully clear to me when I called that you are against same sex marriage. I don’t understand your fears.

If it is a religious issue, religion really has no place in politics. Nobody is asking that you marry someone of the same sex. I am not afraid of opposite-sex marriage. You were elected to support the community that you serve. You need to listen to all the voices in that community rather than just acting on your personal beliefs.

Marriage can’t just be about procreation. If that were the case, we should not allow folks to marry unless they’re going to have children. If they can’t physically have children, they should have to adopt children or annul their marriage.

I have been in a monogamous relationship for a few months shy of 20 years. We were married in Toronto Nov. 7, 2003. I’d like to believe that America, and New York in particular, would be more forward-thinking than any other country, but sadly that is not the case.

I am involved in the community. I take great care of my property. I’m a great neighbor, friend, relative, and employee.

I work hard. I pay taxes. I vote to pass school budgets although I don’t have children. I recently received your mailing inviting me to your ‘family day,’ although you have no desire to recognize my family.

Everyone should be allowed to be involved with any consensual partner they choose, regardless of race, color, religion or sexual orientation.

Gay parents won’t make their kids gay. My folks were very, very straight. Gay kids can’t turn their siblings, friends, or schoolmates gay. There are as many homosexual firefighters, builders, athletes, police officers, and truck drivers as there are gay hairdressers, nurses, designers and decorators. [But instead of celebrating their contributions,] Society makes a great majority of folks live in shame, live in fear, live in denial and live a lie.

This is not the forum to get into how and why, but I assure you being gay is not a choice. Nobody would choose a life with so many unnecessary challenges. While I wouldn’t change my life for anything, it surely was more difficult than it had to be.

There are black politicians, most notably the president. There are women running countries. There are gay men and women serving our country by their own free will to ensure the constant freedom of these United States, yet they themselves are not free.

We’re a few months away from the year 2010. We’re living in the great state of New York. I’d like to say it’s time to accept everyone for who and what they are – and give everyone the same exact civil and legal rights – but it’s actually way beyond time.

There are issues that should be put to public vote: changing cell phone laws for drivers, building new roads, and what to use tax money for are a few examples. Who to love and live a committed life with is not an issue that should be put to a public vote. Imagine a white man not being allowed to marry a black woman, or a Catholic man not being able to marry a Jewish woman. The thought of that happening today is unconscionable. This should be as well. There should be liberty and justice and
equal rights for all.

If this entire issue is about political power, that power struggle needs to be played some other way. You cannot play with people’s lives. This is America. I’ve traveled the world quite extensively and used to be much more proud of my country and sadly used to receive a great deal more respect than I have recently.

Your personal beliefs are yours. Nobody has a right to change them. But you have an obligation to ensure that I have the exact same right as every other taxpayer and American citizen. If I do not, then please figure out a way to give me a benefit that others don’t have, since you won’t give me the same rights. You can begin by doing away with my school taxes, as I don’t have children and you don’t recognize my living arrangements as a family. You can continue from there.

You cannot, however, expect the same from me that you expect from
everyone else without offering me the exact same privileges.

I don’t expect a reply. I didn’t receive one from my phone call last spring. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, Senator. I’d like to understand. Please ensure that I have every civil and legal right that every other New Yorker has. Nothing more. Nothing less. I assure you, the world will not spin off of its axis. In fact, it might become a friendlier, happier, more humane place to live. Thank you in advance.

Respectfully,
Steven

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