Video: "Love Who You Love"

Valentine Ryder
September 5, 2009
Freedom to Marry recently received a message from Valentine Ryder, a singer/performer from New York City, telling us his personal story and sharing a video/vocal recording he made of "Love Who You Love," written by Stephen Flaherty and Lynn Ahrens, with Mr. Flaherty himself playing piano. Mr. Ryder's moving video and story follow:

The song “Love Who You Love” is from the show “A Man of No Importance” music by Stephen Flaherty, lyrics by Lynn Ahrens and a book by Terrence McNally, based on the 1994 Albert Finney film, A Man of No Importance. It ran at Lincoln Center in 2002. The story concerns an older closeted man, Alfie, who falls in love with the younger male bus driver, Robbie, on his route. The song is sung by both characters.

Stephen gave me “Love Who You Love” when I was putting together a CD in 2004. He was also kind enough to accompany me on his lovely song. Lynn Ahrens’ lyric is universal, simply saying to love who you love no matter what, and not to be ashamed of loving who you love. It is beautiful and powerful, yet also gentle in its message of love and equality. The video is the same, it starts with images of great (straight) romance from my youth, then moves to current (straight) Hollywood ideals (so the media tells us) of romance, finally juxtaposing those images with images of famous gay couples and everyday romance between regular people, movie and TV characters, gay, straight, old, young,…exposing the hypocrisy of being anti-freedom to marry and shedding light on how normal and right love is in all of its forms, no matter what gender is involved.

I have survived with AIDS for 22 years. I am not a huge star. I made the video on my computer. I am the filmmaker, not some major studio, and I am responsible for its content. I‘m just a guy who loves to sing and to help other people make music. Stephen Flaherty and I met in the early 1980’s, when we were both talented young men. Stephen was my musical director back then. I got side tracked by AIDS, Cancer and a burst appendix (don’t ask). He went on to win the Tony Award for RAGTIME. When I needed a friend to help me start up my singing career again Stephen was there with his beautiful song, "Love Who You Love," and his remarkable piano playing. I think of the Video of “Love Who You Love” as my gift (and Stephens and Lynn’s) to…well…the world! Please share this with anyone you care about…and even… or maybe especially... with people who are against marriage equality, and remember “to just love who you love!”

Always,
Valentine Ryder

As Evan Wolfson, Executive Director of Freedom to Marry, has said many times, "We need more people helping to move hearts and minds and inspire people as we advance toward the freedom to marry." If you have a special story or perspective to share, contact us at Freedom to Marry today!